The Dreaded Friend Zone



Ever heard of the friend zone? I bet you’re in one now, but I hope for your sake you’ve never had to feel what it’s like to be there. #Oh the horror!!!. 


 In popular culture, the “friend zone” refers to a platonic relationship where one person wishes to enter into a romantic relationship while the other does not. Let me break it down for you ” it’s a place beautiful women put men who they decide they could NEVER date, sleep with or simply carry out any type of physical relationship with” so basically you’re fucked.


The Friend zone is basically a pre-emptive rejection, I’ve landed in the friend zone MANY TIMES *covers face* at a point my buddy @ifeabunike nicknamed me “mayor of the friend zone” from the television sitcom Friends. Yes I was that damaged


The friend zone apart from being a guy’s worst nightmare still has some benefits but it sounds more like brochure you’d read for a super-shitty hotel in the bad part of nigeria 


Come check out the “friend zone” today!!! During your stay you’ll get to

  Listen to a beautiful girl vent to you about all of her ridiculous little problems

 Do little favours and chores for her as she pleases

 Deal with constant rejection from her

 Constantly and woefully attempt to raise yourself up as she often teases and puts you down

 Not kiss her

 Sleep alone, in your bed, most likely thinking about her (while she spends her night with someone else, not thinking about you for a second)

Watch her flirt with other guys right in front of you, playfully chatting with them and establishing a connection *tongue out

Live in a state of complete irrational hope, constantly thinking “oh am getting closer to her, I just need to turn the corner then she will fall for me

 And even have her ruin the rare chances you get with other women.. Right when she sees that someone might steal her faithful servant she pounces in there and starts to do things that will make you think she just realised how much she likes you and your dumb ass will fall for it.


*evil grin* Please enjoy your stay with Us

Mine wasn’t that bad, atleast I had friends who knew what she was doing and told me, but still the fear of losing her kept me where I belong and will always belong in her life “the friend zone”. I stayed there for close to 3years hoping we’ll work something out.  


Friend zone means holding her shit while she shops for underwear you will never see her in.

A lot of people are currently in the friend zone without even realising it. Once the friend zone is established, it is said to be difficult to move beyond that point in a relationship. Scary right? You better be scared. NIGGA NOTHING FOR YOU! NOTHING!!! 


The woman enters the house followed by a guy. The guy is all smiles thinking that great acts of intimacy are about to occur. But, alas, the woman launches into a rant about men.


“My ex-boyfriend was such a jerk,” she began. “Why is it that men treat me so roughly?”


The guy then transformed into Mr. Sensitive. “There, there,” he purrs. “They do not know how great you are! You are beautiful, lovely, enchanting, dazzling in every way, and they are idiots when they cannot see it.”

“You are so nice! What a friend you are!” she squeals. “Let me tell you more of my problems with men…”

And so the guy, who was excited because great acts of intimacy would occur, leaves severely disappointed with a hollow feeling echoing throughout him. “I thought that through friendship, love would eventually spring. How wrong I was! A friend she sees, a friend you be.”


When he entered the house, the guy noticed a sign above the door. At the time, he was too excited to even CONSIDER reading it. Now that he was leaving, he read it. “So true!” he cried. For the sign above the door read:


Friend Zone – Abandon hope all ye who enter!

Well like I said before, the dreaded ‘friend zone’ gives you the benefit of assessing some things, like whether or not a relationship may truly ‘fit’ in the lives of two people. 

Do you want to learn how someone communicates?

Allow them to operate in the ‘friend zone’ for a period of time.

 Do you want to learn how someone operates under adversity? Allow them to operate in the ‘friend zone’ for a period of time.

Do you want to learn the habits of a person? Allow them to operate in the ‘friend zone’ for a period of time.

The ‘friend zone’ gives two people the opportunity to build a foundation before adding any other complexities into the relationship (i.e., sex, commitment, other superficial expectations).

Fuck that shit !!!! Dude expect you’re that good in building attraction don’t let yourself fall into this zone. But wait seriously how does a guy even set out pursuing active friendship with a girl? What have you been smoking?

Experience has taught me that working and waiting for a woman’s ‘settlement’ isn’t worth it!!!!!! 

You wanna change things right? Grab your crotch, you still got your ball? Then act like it. 

When you meet a woman you’re interested in, I want you to first consider this:

 should I really be interested so soon? What has she done to prove her worthiness of my interest? Apart from looking good, which will always be in their arsenal.

So now go ahead, talk to her, have fun with the conversation, bring emotion into the interaction, don’t play it so safe, don’t worry so much about her liking you.. Is like playing an ever-growing tennis match, you’re playing with each other, you guys start of close to the net volleying, testing each other out,

You take the first step, moving back from the net a little bit, she returns the shot, as she takes a small step too.

That’s her showing her interest too, you can take it up a little bit, taking another step as you move towards ground strokes instead of volleys. And then she does the same, you can kick it up even more. Make sense?

If you serve the ball and she’s there mopping like uju abanya, pick your tennis and use the door please!!!


About Kudi Okerulu

Kudi is a student, chemical engineering,still in the process of self-discovery. Started blogging on september 2012 and is trying to curtail his night life in order to meet up with the articles he is currently labouring to write. Multiple personality disorder, one; a writer (comes once in a month) and the other an engineer.

Posted on September 1, 2012, in Reality. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Cool story……..we я all erm responsible. Iv done it couple ov times. Buh †ђξ truth is I really really do ♥ dem αs really close frnds. Anything closer dan dat is ewwwwwy! & I defo dnt wnt to loose dem,smtimes I dnt evn wnt dem to get anoda girl 😥 buh dats †ђξ exceptional few. Odas I even hlp out wiv †ђξ wooing ov anoda girl. All in all,dats wαt mks †ђξ world FUN! Cool write-up doe (•͡.̮ ~͡)

  2. Nice piece. Guess you read the mind of so many dudes. Hopefully would be a guide to all these teens

  3. I saw a pretty damsel dat i wanna be with…she makes me happy with her smiles,but she rejected me

  4. Lolzzz.

    I really don’t need to be A̶̲̥̅ great psychic cum psychologist to decipher this piece was done by A̶̲̥̅ “just left the teen” guy. Every mature girl/lady can poke so many holes in this **friend zone** thingy.

    First things first, what α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ on the minds of both the so called beautiful girl and the **friendly guy**? What does the girl want out of A̶̲̥̅ relationship/what is she looking 4in A̶̲̥̅ man?? What does the guy has to offer???
    For the sake of this comment I’m writing in reply to this piece, plss allow me to class guys into 3sections. 1-The boys-those in their teens playing the game of love. 2-The guys-those just out of their teens and some, still playing. 3-The men-This group α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ focused cos they’ve been there and done that so i̶̲̥̅̊t̶̲̥̅’s all serious 4Dem.

    Now back to the beautiful lady keeping A̶̲̥̅ guy in her *friend zone*. What does this lady want outta A̶̲̥̅ relationship??
    If she’s like me, aged 27, she’ll be looking for commitment, permanency, security, A̶̲̥̅ home, family and A̶̲̥̅ host of other things unmentionable(she smilesss) which the boys and guys even some MENSS shy away from as if dodging A̶̲̥̅ rattlesnake. Along comes **A GUY**, bobo nkiti, dude, nigga and A̶̲̥̅ host of all those swagnified names **GUYS** like him call themselves, in this **GUY** comes sweeping into this so called beautiful girls life and the writer of this piece who I’m assuming is A̶̲̥̅ sanely reasonable man with his full cognitive abilities expects her to fall prey to his charms?? To what ends i ask?
    My parents usually start off each advise session with an illustration of life as A̶̲̥̅ motor park, you board A̶̲̥̅ bus along with A̶̲̥̅ host of other passengers to a predestined location. You don’t get up in the morrning, get to A̶̲̥̅ park, then decide you want to go to Lagos, HELL NO.
    So, don’t expect A̶̲̥̅ girl/lady/woman to jump up on board with you on any hare-brained scheme you dream up ssimply cos you α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ A̶̲̥̅ **niiiice dude*. The million dollar question is, α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ you offering her exactly the antidote to her malady/solving her need/being an answer to her problem/fillling the aching void of need in her??

    Just like I’ve listed off A̶̲̥̅ few of the basic things I’m expectant of in A̶̲̥̅ relationship and along comes A̶̲̥̅ nigga offerring just A̶̲̥̅ couple of flings… Wow! I’ll so boot him outtttttt. What nonsense. I’m going to Abuja and you α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ going to Lagos, biko, in what way does our path intertwine??? This kind of guy willll not even smell the so called **friend zone**.

    Coming 2d next point, I’m always highly amused when i see,hear and feel guys act like they α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ God’s gift to women. Their ego is always insurmountable. Pardon me, but what else do you expect me to say/think when after listening to A̶̲̥̅ guy’s proposal, mulling it over then you(the girl) up and tells the guy that it literally breaks your heart to do this but you regret to say you can’t accept it due to irreconcilable differences(he’s heading to Awka, you α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ going to PH) but the guy still presumes and erroneously assumes that he(as God’s irresistible gift to women) can break down your defences if given the time? He proceeds to call you, text you, shower the girl with giftsn be there for her, be her sounding board, lend his shoulder, ear, arms etc. Biko, who asked/begged you?? Shey the girl don tell you say she no D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ interested? Leave A̶̲̥̅♍ now.
    The bible tells us our reward is in heaven. God’s word equally instructs us on how to give. we α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ to give in such A̶̲̥̅ way that our left hand will not know what the right is doing/giving and vice versa. It further adds that our father in heaven who sees your secret deeds secretly will reward you openly. How then can A̶̲̥̅ guy be playing tennis ball as described above with his hopeful gifts just so he can be rewarded by the girl”s acquiescence?? Wetin, you no no difference between reward in heaven and reward on earth? Α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ you in heaven or is the girl your heaven? Why α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ you bragging and telling people of your deeds? Biko Get real. I always advise friends, bestow your gifts and charity with no expectations whatsoever and let God do the rest. This is why i said this write up was done by A̶̲̥̅ pArticular young set for people in that set too.

    In the real sense of the word and world, when i, the beautiful girl in this write up and A̶̲̥̅ host of other ladies/women meet my /their soul mate, the one boarding the same bus, heading to the same destination, willing to fulfill most of our needs, we being equally willing to do so to his, we’ll say YES immediately. That’s the way it works when you get to A̶̲̥̅ more mature level than the one being portrayed in this write the real grown up world, people marry their best friends cos i̶̲̥̅̊t̶̲̥̅’s only such relationships that α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ guaranteed to succeed and last. In this write up, the characters are still intoxicated with their new found freedom, they(the guys especially) want to experiment and try out new things so if this babe no gree then he moves on, NO TIME, so many exotic dishes to be sampled. I̶̲̥̅̊t̶̲̥̅’s called sowing WILD OATS and I’m sure the beautiful girl in question knows so and doesn’t want to be A̶̲̥̅ victim. How then can A̶̲̥̅ sane and reasonable man/guy blame her????

    Max is this you or should i sue you for plagiarism????

    • *Scratching my head* hey peeps, my boss just took the spotlight from me, turned out her comment was the main article here and she just called me a boy again (the 10001 time) I counted *sad face*. Boss, please feel free to sue me for plagiarism.

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